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Monday, January 12, 2009

Struggle...Struggle...Struggle...Pull yourself together!

I think I am in a spiritual free fall right now. Don't get me wrong, I am learning more now than ever and I have even seen huge growth over the past year in my understanding and application of some of the biblical truths I am learning...BUT...for every step forward, 3 steps back again.

I am involved in a small group bible study, I lead a women's bible study, and I meet once a week with my best friend for another book study and accountability. These things are all wonderful and I really have learned what my life is all about. I am learning about reflecting God's glory back to Him through my deeds and actions. However, in all of this learning, I have become quite overwhelmed as well. The more I learn, the more I see how much more there is to change.

Right now, at this moment in time, I am studying on making the right choices, becoming a woman (mother, housewife, entrepreneur, chef, maid, etc.) who pleases God, to stand up for Christ, to have a character that models Christ, and so much more. How in all of this learning do I apply it all? Am I not focusing enough on one area, am I spreading myself too thin, am I missing something here?

Yep, yep, and yep...(light bulb comes on) I am allowing myself to be so overwhelmed in the details that I am missing the big message. What is that you ask? In order to get it together, I need to be in God's word daily. (I have had this same conversation with my husband and my best friend on many occasions. I just figured that there are others of you out in cyberland that may be struggling as well). I keep saying that I am "reading" my bible a lot (which is somewhat true). I read all of the passages that go along with the plethora of books I am reading, however, those are just chosen verses not the entire context! Wow what a difference context makes!

So, after much talking about "doing something" about my lack of reading and applying God's word I have decided as of yesterday to research different ideas of where to start, what to read first, etc. I have chosen a daily plan that I found on an ESV Bible website that I use quite often when I don't have my bible handy. It is called Every Day in the Word (catchy title!) .

There are so many people that firmly disagree that you should do a "bible in a year" or other plans like this since they lack the application process and hinder the reader from gaining any real knowledge through the reading of the text. I, however, have a different thought on this. For me, I need structure and a plan or I will fail. I am not a self-driven or easily motivated person. I am a creature of habit who needs things to be spelled out easily for me. This plan does that. I will not be following it as a "bible in a year" program. I am merely using it as a guide to get me reading daily and making the bible a life guide instead of just another reference book.

This plan has me reading one New Testament chapter, one Old Testament chapter, one Psalm, and a Proverb daily. This may seem like a lot, but I have learned through each study I am involved in that we as Christians should be spending a bulk of our time in God's word and marinating in it. As those of you who know me can attest to, I can find plenty of time each day for the things of the world (shopping, Internet, e-mail, TV, etc.). Now I just need to reassess what I do in this free time.

So why not jump in head first? Christ gave His life so that I may live in eternity with Him. Is that not enough motivation to live my life to reflect His glory?

I am in faith going to be obedient to God by studying his truth and in return He will be glorified. I am taking this step towards gaining the biblical knowledge that I lack. I am asking for your prayers as I try to make this a habit and not just another passing thought not put into action.

As you can tell and will be able to tell as you read this blog, I am not a very private person. I have just learned so much recently about being authentic and I think by putting it all out there may help others who are struggling with the same issues. I hope this helps someone else to dive in head first!

God is in control of my life, it is about time I give Him back the steering wheel.

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